JOEY: Hey, if Little Joey's
dead, then I got no reason to live!
ROSS: Joey, uh- OMnipotent.
JOEY: You are? Ross, I'm sorry..
Ep. 4 ~TOW George Stephanopoulos~
JOEY: It's never gonna happen.
ROSS: [innocently] What?
JOEY: You and Rachel.
ROSS: [acts surprised] What? [pause] Why not?
JOEY: Because you waited too long to make your move, and now you're in the friend zone.
ROSS: No, no, no. I'm not in the zone.
JOEY: Ross, you're mayor of the zone.
Ep. 7 ~TOW the Blackout~
Ross: Hey, is Chandler here?
[Ross drags Joey into the hall and slams the door]
Ross: Okay, uh, about last night, um, Chandler.. you didn't tell... [Joey shakes his head] Okay, 'cause I'm thinking- we don't need to tell Chandler, I mean, it was just a kiss, right? One kiss? No big deal? Right?
Joey: Right. No big deal.
Joey: In Bizarro World!! You broke the code!
Ross: What code?
Joey: You don't kiss your friend's mom! Sisters are okay, maybe a hot-lookin' aunt... but not a mom, never a mom!
[Chandler opens the door and startles them. He picks up the paper]
Chandler: What are you guys doing out here?
Ross: Uh.. uh.. Well, Joey and I had discussed getting in an early morning racquetball game. But, um, apparently, somebody overslept.
Joey: Yeah, well, you don't have your racket.
Ross: No, no I don't, because it's being restrung, somebody was supposed to bring me one.
Joey: Yeah, well you didn't call and leave your grip size.
Chandler: Okay, you guys spend waaaay too much time together. [Goes back inside and shuts the door]
Ross: Okay, I'm scum, I'm scum.
Joey: Ross, how could you let this happen?
Ross: I don't know, God, I- well, it's not like she's a regular mom, y'know? She's, she's sexy, she's-
Joey: You don't think my mom's sexy?
Ross: Well- not in the same way...
Joey: I'll have you know that Gloria Tribbiani was a handsome woman in her day, alright? You think it's easy giving birth to seven children?
Ross: Okay, I think we're getting into a weird area here...
[Mon+Rach's door opens and Rachel and Paolo emerge]
Rachel: What're you guys doing out here?
Ross: Well, not playing raquetball!
Joey: He forgot to leave his grip size!
Ross: He didn't get the goggles!
Rachel: Well,sounds like you two have issues.
[She and Paolo walk a little way down the hall]
Rachel: Goodbye, baby.
Paolo: Ciao, bela.
[They kiss. Ross is watching them]
Ross: Do they wait for me to do this?
[Joey and Ross go into Monica and Rachel's apartment]
Joey: So are you gonna tell him?
Ross: Why would I tell him?
Joey: How about 'cause if you don't, his mother might.
Monica: [Entering] What are you guys doing here?
Joey: Uhhhh.... he's not even wearing a jockstrap!
Monica: ...What did I ask?
Ep. 11 ~TOW Mrs. Bing~
JOEY: [in disbelief] Vulva?
ROSS: Alright, I panicked, alright? She took me by surprise. You know, but it wasn't a total loss. I mean, we ended up cuddling.
JOEY: [sarcastic] Whoaa!! You cuddled? How many times??
ROSS: Shut up! It was nice. I just... I don't think I'm the dirty-talking kind of guy, you know?
JOEY: What's the big deal? You just say what you want to do to her. Or what you want her to do to you. Or what you think other people might be doing to each other. I'll tell you what. Just try something on me.
ROSS: [deadpan] Please be kidding.
JOEY: Why not? Come on! Close your eyes and tell me what you'd like to be doing right now.
ROSS: OK. [closes eyes] I'm in my apartment...
JOEY: ....yeah... what else?
ROSS: That's it. I'm in my apartment, you're not there, we're not having this conversation. [gets up, walks across room]
JOEY: [walks to catch up to him] Alright, look, I'll start, OK?
ROSS: Joey, please.
JOEY: Come on. Come on. Alright, ready, look! [in a low voice] Oh... Ross.... you get me so hot. I want your lips on me now.
ROSS: [impressed] Wow.
JOEY: Alright, now you say something.
ROSS: I... ahem... I really don't think so.
JOEY: Come on! You like this woman, right?
JOEY: You want to see her again, right?
JOEY: Well if you can't talk dirty to me, how're you going to talk dirty to her? Now tell me you want to caress my butt!
ROSS: OK, turn around. [Joey looks taken aback] I just don't want you staring at me when I'm doing this.
JOEY: [turning around] Alright, alright. I'm around. Go ahead.
ROSS: Ahem... I want.... OK, I want to... feel your... hot, soft skin with my lips.
JOEY: There you go! Keep going. Keep going!
ROSS: I, er...
[At this point, Chandler walks through the door. Ross and Joey both have their backs to him, so they don't notice. Chandler sees the situation and remains quiet, watching.]
ROSS: I want to take my tongue... and...
[Chandler is completely astounded.]
JOEY: Say it... say it!
ROSS: ...run it all over your body until you're... trembling with... with...
[Chandler leans back against the wall and Ross and Joey hear him. Ross and Joey both notice at the same time. They slowly stop, and then very slowly turn around to see Chandler staring at them.]
ROSS: [rushing to explain] Funny story!
CHAN: It's OK. It's OK. I was always rooting for you two kids to get together.
Ep. 15 ~TOW The Stoned Guy~